Why is it so hard to love a black man? Yes, this is a hard question to ask and harder for black men to take. I’m not implying that I want to be with another race , I’m simply stating that it’s not an easy task to love our own men. We read so much about how black women are but never look at what could be the cause of our behaviors. Being a black woman means being very strong. Its difficult to love someone who doesn’t love himself. So many black men come into relationships with emotional and mental damage, bagage. We as women have it hard because we have to deal with so much.
“Don’t ask for money because you will be seen as a gold digger. Don’t not ask for money because now you’re sleeping with a man that can’t care for you. Leave him because he cheats on you, as if that is an easy choice to make. Just because you find out that your man cheated on you doesn’t change the love you had for him 10 minutes before you found out. Now you’re pushed back into this world of sheep of men, you never know what problems may lie ahead. Stick with him through thick and thin, show him that you were with him shooting in the gym. Don’t stay with him , you will look dumb.”
At this point you don’t know which direction to go, your mind is going left, your heart going right and you just want to exit without feelings. But , we all know it’s never that easy to just leave. Now, you’re left with a hard decision to make – stay and deal with the bullshit because you made yourself believe that he and this is it, no more searching. No more pointless dates, cold bed, online dating and love memes on social media, or you leave, you go through the tuff heartbreak and everything that comes with it. ( I’m a Tarus we love hard , so this may not be how every woman handles break ups ). Go back out there date the unknown while leaving your safety of the known. You know, them issues and flaws that he brought.
Now, We get out of a relationship and back into the dating scene. But this time we make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again which are seen as the angry black woman or Ms. Independent that doesn’t need no man! The way that men are coming at us today , we rather become those women then to deal with the bull shit. Let’s put it out there, no matter what, we have to wait until the man is ready. You can’t force a man to be with you or try your hardest to keep him. A man that doesn’t want to be kept can’t be. You know how many men came up to me years later stating that they fucked up and I was a good woman. Like, Who really wants to hear that shit , after the heartbreak and crying nights. It would be so much easier if men would just look into the mirror and deal with who they really are. Deal with their childhood traumas, self love (which isn’t just for women), financials, take inventory of yourself, and know what you want or have at least a plan of what you think you may want. The worst thing a man can do is go into a situationship being toxic and ruin another person.
I’m not saying that what I am implying , implies to everyone , this is not a one size fits all. But you can admit, I’m stating some real shit.
Indya Moore a character in the movie Queen & Slim stated “ he needs us to worship him”, Out there, he aint’ shit. But in here? He a king. Reflecting on how the world treats our black men versus how we should treat them. Reflecting on how the world treats our black men verse how we treat them at home.” I get that black men have to deal with so much in the world but that shouldn’t change how you should treat your black Queens. You uplift us and we will do the rest. It’s 2020 these roles need to stop changing. We need black men as much if not more than you need us. It’s a team , no matter how you flip it. You’re not hard to love so don’t push us away….