Black Man, My King!

Why is it so hard to love a black man? Yes, this is a hard question to ask and harder for black men to take. I’m not implying that I want to be with another race , I’m simply stating that it’s not an easy task to love our own men. We read so much about how black women are but never look at what could be the cause of our behaviors. Being a black woman means being very strong. Its difficult to love someone who doesn’t love himself. So many black men come into relationships with emotional and mental damage, bagage. We as women have it hard because we have to deal with so much. 

“Don’t ask for money because you will be seen as a gold digger. Don’t not ask for money because now you’re sleeping with a man that can’t care for you. Leave him because he cheats on you, as if that is an easy choice to make. Just because you find out that your man cheated on you doesn’t change the love you had for him 10 minutes before you found out. Now you’re pushed back into this world of sheep of men, you never know what problems may lie ahead. Stick with him through thick and thin, show him that you were with him shooting in the gym. Don’t stay with him , you will look dumb.”

At this point you don’t know which direction to go, your mind is going left, your heart going right and you just want to exit without feelings. But , we all know it’s never that easy to just leave. Now, you’re left with a hard decision to make – stay and deal with the bullshit because you made yourself believe that he and this is it, no more searching. No more pointless dates, cold bed, online dating and love memes on social media, or you leave, you go through the tuff heartbreak and everything that comes with it. ( I’m a Tarus we love hard , so this may not be how every woman handles break ups ). Go back out there date the unknown while leaving your safety of the known. You know, them issues and flaws that he brought.

Now, We get out of a relationship and back into the dating scene. But this time we make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again which are seen as the angry black woman or Ms. Independent that doesn’t need no man!  The way that men are coming at us today , we rather become those women then to deal with the bull shit. Let’s put it out there, no matter what, we have to wait until the man is ready. You can’t force a man to be with you or try your hardest to keep him. A man that doesn’t want to be kept can’t be. You know how many men came up to me years later stating that they fucked up and I was a good woman. Like, Who really wants to hear that shit , after the heartbreak and crying nights. It would be so much easier if men would just look into the mirror and deal with who they really are. Deal with their childhood traumas, self love (which isn’t just for women), financials, take inventory of yourself, and know what you want or have at least a plan of what you think you may want. The worst thing a man can do is go into a situationship being toxic and ruin another person. 

I’m not saying that what I am implying , implies to everyone , this is not a one size fits all. But you can admit, I’m stating some real shit. 

Indya Moore a character in the movie Queen & Slim stated “ he needs us to worship him”, Out there, he aint’ shit. But in here? He a king. Reflecting on how the world treats our black men versus how we should treat them. Reflecting on how the world treats our black men verse how we treat them at home.” I get that black men have to deal with so much in the world but that shouldn’t change how you should treat your black Queens.  You uplift us and we will do the rest. It’s 2020 these roles need to stop changing. We need black men as much if not more than you need us. It’s a team , no matter how you flip it. You’re not hard to love so don’t push us away….

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22 thoughts on “Black Man, My King!

  1. It is important that black people stop separating the fact both black men and women have it hard. It has been documented that the way we treat each other was the result of 10s n 10s of yrs of psychosis put on us to separate us as 1. You have to remember it hasn’t always been like this. Now when we look at our part our separation everything from the music we listen to, to the rolls we play in the family is backwards. No longer do we hear on the radio of men persuing the black woman but bitch and hoes. Also because the reverse roll the woman plays in the house hole theres this since of needlessness with our black women. Our race are the only ones where the women have better opportunities then the men. So I say all that to say there are many factors on the reason our behaviors on both sides are so fukd up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can only speak for Black women because that’s what I am. There are many other factors yes, this is a blog post and not a book. Because it would take me more to write everything. I’m not going against what you’re stating but this is just a few small views .

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve battled with this debate of who’s fault is it that black men and women treat eachother the way we do.. I actually feel like 1 of the biggest problems is we’re always blaming eachother.i.e. black women cheat too, well black men beat women,, well black women beat men,, when in all reality we need to take responsibility for each individual actions.. We all know right from wrong, but with both sexes, some people is hateful, misguided,with dealing with internal insecurities. I can go on forever..moral is you’re absolutely correct but it goes both ways

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      2. I agree but don’t forget the man is supposed to be the leader in the household. So that holds him to a different standard

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  2. I agree that loving black men is hard but I also live by the saying “those who are hardest to love need it the most”. I think we are def in a healing culture right now and I’m hopeful for the future because god knows I’m ready to get off the dating rollercoaster I’ve been on for the past decade. Exhausting to say the least lol

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  3. Good read. Very opinion based, there’s no blueprint to love. It should just feel right

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There’s more to love than just feelings right!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. “ I get that black men have to deal with so much in the world but that shouldn’t change how you should treat your black Queens.”…….you realize the “but” diminishes everything said before it right? that fact that we have so much going on is the reason many of us don’t know how to treat women but that goes both ways.

    Imagine me saying “I get that black women have so much to deal with BUT you still need to treat black men right” We live in an era where Women are independent, have more education and getting better jobs but women still expect men to be the traditional bread winner. How about the fact that there is a lot of indirect pressure put on men by women based on expectations. How about the fact that women tend to have issue with men who choose to be single and with that, what is to be said about the women who do and or create the issues that lead to blogs like this. How can a man look in the mirror and deal with who he really is and deal with childhood trauma etc when we are constantly being told to be men and the rock etc…all while in the current environment of toxic masculinity…it’s a brain fuck..can’t tell boys to be masculine but then say their masculinity is toxic. Point is men out here are just as confused as women, however men are expected to “strong” and deal with it.

    Both sides need healing and my personal opinion is, as a whole both men and women are so concerned with outside forces making us complete that we don’t remember we are already complete on our own. Everything you say is valid for you and may others but when we step back and look at the biggest picture…we gotta realize this topic is way more complicated than we realize at times. both sides have it bad and yes you are speaking from your end but if my response is to tell you about my side as a man, how do we grow?

    “So many black men come into relationships with emotional and mental damage, bagage. We as women have it hard because we have to deal with so much. “
    And men don’t??… I feel women come with more baggage but again me stating that isn’t going to help either side….so my solution is that we as individuals need to work at self love, self discipline etc because I can run down a whole list of shit women do…a lot of times men catch the blame for things women have created. You stated that we always hear about what women do wrong, Im honestly always hear about how men ain’t shit and how women don’t need men especially during this ”me too” and “believe her” era which as an aside black women have jumped into a fight that isn’t theirs but I digress….at the end of the day, we all need healing, understanding, patience, discipline etc.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can’t disagree with what you are stating. I like that you took the time out to comment. I love to read other point of views. Like we both stated I can only speak from my perspective as a black woman. It’s sad that you stated women today act as if they don’t need a man and I don’t disagree. I hate that a lot of women are like that and it makes it hard for old school women like myself. I’m stating that men need to first deal with themselves then come into a relationship. More than likely once that is done he is more ready for a relationship. A lot of women deal with shit in relationships that I’m sure men wouldn’t. So we stick in there longer if you are at least fighting for the relationship and putting in effort. Oh there’s a lot of aint shit ass women but I’m not once of them and I can’t speak for them. This is coming from a woman who loves her black men. I’m not fatherless and I have a black king to raise. So see this posy coming from a Queen not these lost souls you speak off. Now go off of that go off of a Woman like your mother.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. can you elaborate on what you feel men need to heal from? Also elaborate on what a woman deals with in a relationship that a man doesn’t…in some cases, a woman staying in a relationship is a sign of stupidity and not strength..as a man there are a lot of things I wouldn’t deal with, I think it’s dumb for ANYONE to fight for a relationship that ain’t gonna work, or if the other person don’t wanna fight. Lastly, what do you mean when you say “ready for a relationship” seems to me a lot of times these relationships are strictly how a woman wants it to go but when a man aint with it and leaves, he aint shit. In marriages involving children, there are soooo many situations where the woman was dead wrong but has no accountability for her part while the man is viewed by everyone as the problem…we gonna need a podcast because I have so much to say on the subject that can’t be fully broken down in text without it being an essay

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      2. I think you’re coming from personal experiences and want me to answer all these questions. You seem to be asking for a book when I just wanted to explain my views and feelings. Like I stated this isn’t a one size fits all and this will not cover everything. Take it for face value. U asking for 3 more blog post on the same topic but broken down

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    2. I want to go deeper but then I’ll be writing a whole new blog post lol

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  5. I loved this on point, real and raw … I’m in a relationship and I definitely agree it’s hard and you won’t understand until you’ve been there I really enjoyed this piece well written

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    1. Thank you. All it takes is an open mind!

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  6. Loving is hard no matter the race or gender. Black love adds another layer of complication because because of all the psychological baggage we black men carry with us with little to no outlet. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way over and over and expecting a different result. So I guess that means most of us are crazy when it comes to love. So here are some simple straight forward advice to get your sanity back. If you constantly go through relationships and carry all of your baggage forward how does anybody have any chance at making you happy. Let’s face it most of the dirt we do is in retaliation for some past wrong that was done to us by someone we probably shouldn’t have been with in the first place. Pain has a beginning. It’s when we finally decide someone is worthy of opening our heart to; only to be hurt that’s when the trouble begins. Since We don’t all have the same emotional outlets most of us carry the bitterness forward. We make someone else pay for our past mistakes assuming they will endure it until we finally kill what little self respect they have left and leave. This will however result in a vicious cycle of her disrespecting you and you withholding the one thing we know she needs more than anything to remain in the relationship; love resulting in more disrespect and the cycle of mental abuse continues.

    So here’s the advice and this doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s not about guessing or gaming or hinting at what you want and need. It’s simple; talk to us not at us. Treat us like the damaged goods that we sometimes are and watch us open up to you. Don’t assume that we have it all together and don’t celebrate a small victory when you discover that we don’t. Discuss our relationship with us; not your mom or your friends. Keep our secrets in your confidence or lose us opening up to you forever. These are just a few simple things that we all know yet refuse to give first for fear of losing control; which when it comes to love is something you never had in the first place.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I enjoyed every word of what you just wrote. Thank You Black Man !

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  7. I love this! In my graduate course I remember reading articles indicating that black women enable black men because of there known trauma, meanwhile we creating our own trauma in the process. Of course it’s a lot of different factors, but it boils down to women having integrity and standards, and holding men accountable.

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  8. You had some good points and said things that are very relatable. Overall good read.

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  9. Love you Ish!! Really great read & very relatable. You always say the things i’m thinking. You have a gift, podcast up next 🤷🏽‍♀️🧐🙌🏽

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  10. Dealing with some of this myself. I also read some of the other replies and I agree that there is no blueprint to love. Every situation and person is different. I’m big on “this is how it works for Me/Us and I’m not worried about them over there.”… Good read!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. There are some good points being made by everyone. As a Black woman, I agree there are different standards about love for us then Black men. I do feel we are told to put Black men on a pedestal and treat like a king, but are not suppose to demand the same respect back. Love is difficult for all and it starts with mutual respect for each other.

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