P.S. It’s not Your Fault

My homegirl called me last week, to inform me that her man cheated on her. She doesn’t plan on leaving him and that’s her decision, that I respect. We all have done it before, you know took someone back, not just for cheating but anything that may be able to bruise but not break your trust. She then asked me, What did I do wrong and what didn’t I do?

First thing I told her, ‘Sis, it’s never your fault that he decided to cheat’!

I’m sure you could write a 3 page list or a fucking book about what you brought to the relationship and your best qualities. No matter how much you change and try to compete with other women. It doesn’t change the fact that he cheated.

There are so many other reasons for a man to cheat. List them, write your name last, laugh then scratch it out with a Big Phat Black Sharpie!

He could be cheating because;

His ass is insecure

His mama ain’t raise him right

Financially struggling

Attachment disorder

Selfishness

Ego

Unrealistic Expectations

Immaturity

Unhappy

Imitated

Anything that has nothing to do with YOU!

It could be something that he is dealing with personally.Men are less vocal about feeling insecure and may use sex as a ego booster. This list could go on forever but , if you don’t want to be here,leave. Don’t embarrass me.

I don’t usually speak on celebrity news. But I’m sure Cardi B was just tired of being embarrassed. Like, Do you see me, I’m bad af and you still want to go fishing! Cardi Boo, it ain’t you sis ,it’s HIM! You done right, leave that ass and prosper. He is just using manipulation tactics to make her feel it’s her fault. With the public performances of the, I’m sorry and I know I done fucked it up.

These are not excuses at all. These are possible reasons he cheated on you. If you reread them guess what’s missing? You! I didn’t mention one thing that you did wrong.

Now, if your man communicated his needs and wants and you still didn’t even try. Still not enough to cheat on you. If he wants something that you’re not giving, it’s called breaking up, If I don’t make you happy , Leave.

I’m not saying for good ,maybe you need a break. But cheating on me ain’t going to solve our problems or yours. A one night stand or that you fucked a chick a few times, I maybe able to forgive. But when you have a whole new relationship, Baby, you can stay right there. It’s levels to cheating and we all have our breaking point. That’s just mine that I mention, it may not be yours.

Back to my main point! You are never the reason someone cheats.Don’t question yourself sis. Love you no matter what. Shit, this break up may be the thing you needed to realize that you can level up, mostly in the relationship department.

We live and we learn, some relationships we were in to gain something but never lose self- confidence. You are enough and it’s not your fault.

THIS WAS HIS CHOICE, AND HE HOLDS ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY.

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17 thoughts on “P.S. It’s not Your Fault

  1. Powerful and well spoken.

    Like

  2. brittaneykersey2072 December 19, 2018 — 12:34 pm

    Now how accurate is this, i read the entire post in your voice lol. I’ve been in a long term relationship & no one is perfect,we both started young & still are young so ofcourse quite naturally we both have stepped out in the past. I knew it wasn’t my fault because we both have given our youth to eachother all these years, so honestly, i wasn’t even mad that he stepped out. A little hurt, yes ofcourse but more so understanding(I’m not naive) but i know it’s life. & as we get older we’re still learning life & ourselves both together & as individuals. & believe it or not that situation made us closer & stronger. It helped us communicate better & be more open with eachother.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Been there done that December 19, 2018 — 12:57 pm

    Ok don’t bite my head off but here’s another perspective from a former cheater. So you’re spending lots time together and having lots of sex. He’s met your friends and family and he’s saying all the right things and at some point you call him your boo or boyfriend or whatever name does it for you. However have you had the ‘talk”? You know the one where you both agree that this is a closed loop, just you and him in a word ‘Monogamous’. Not implied, not understood based on his actions but his word. He agrees to see you and only you… cause if not, then according to the guy code there’s no breach of trust i.e. no cheating when he does. There’s only your thoughts, hopes and desire that he sees your relationship the same way you do. But without the spoken bond there’s no implied ‘us’. And while this may not resonate with most women, men see opportunity because in his mind he’s free to do what he wants until he commits to you in word and deed. So take a moment and think; how did we get here? Was it time spent, gifts and trips or was it words, actions and spoken commitment. Cause if it wasn’t then you ain’t got nothing but a cheater looking for an opportunity. So word to the wise, lock him down with his word cause if you don’t then it is your fault for assuming otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This blog is really good. I think there are many things that you covered that definitely draws perspective to the truth in why men cheat but I feel there is a deeper thread to it besides just that and it can be very simple. Cheating is a behavior based on circumstances, mentality and emotions. If these 3 things align, 9/10 the man will not cheat. Sometimes the circumstance involves a woman and her habits. If he feels her habits, actions or character lacks the ability to attend to that man, he will cross over into a space of doubt because of what he begins to see, feel and believe. Then it’s off to the races…he begins to doubt her, the relationship and everything he thought was the right thing. Now he looks for spaces of comfort, love or intimacy in someone else, especially when the needs are not being met. Instead of men being smarter and communicating this, sometimes they don’t feel like being bothered or even addressing the situation over and over, so they find themselves in options that give them a better sense of feeling. This is exactly why, not only is communication important but also understanding with action. There must be a change to actually see a difference. Ask questions, take mental note, and see what works best for both people in a relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Here goes my 3 cents lol… my thoughts are a lot of men cheat because their significant other isn’t either satisfying them or not willing to try to make things better.. Guys sometimes don’t bring up their sexual frustrations to their girl because a lot of times females make it seem as if sex is only thing the man worries about when it’s not the case.
    on a personal level, in a past relationship I decided to cheat because my girl at time decided to be celibate. No discussion, just this what it is.. at the time I was at school and her in Philly.. I looked at it like I’m home every other wknd and we been having sex for 3yrs already how u make a decision on our sex life without discussion.. now it’s hard being a young handsome man around 1000s of women and be faithful but u trying to tell me now I have to be celibate too.. Na not happening… but Great convo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The accuracy! Love this topic bc women ALWAYS blame themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. i was engaged to my high school sweetheart and he cheated on me after two years… i thought i did something wrong but it was his lost my gain …if im wrong let me know

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Like you stated, His Loss your Gain! But, maybe he wasn’t ready yet. Sometimes people need to separate to see if they really need to be together

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Great post!! I think men cheat because they don’t feel masculine in the relationship anymore. They need to feel like a man but most don’t want to do what it takes. Which is lead,provide, and protect. So they’ll rather step out with a woman that’s willing and easier to please instead correcting or improving whatever they are lacking.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love your blog’s they’re so interesting. My opinion men cheat because they are greedy they are not satisfied ever ! they can have the baddest girl, and they still want something new. Jo was cheated on, cardi B, and so many more etc. it doesn’t matter to them once they get tired of the same vagina they want something new. smh

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Great topic and very informative! ❤️❤️

    Like

  11. Men also cheat because they have options. Some women will dangle sex in front of a guy knowing damn well he taken. It’s easy to stop chasing but hard to run

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  12. Woman cheat as well. As for a man he is going to cheat if he hasn’t met the maturity of being in a monogamous relationship. A lot of men cheat because they are not ready to settle down. They don’t want no one else to have you but step out on you and see other woman. If the communication was better a lot of relationships wouldn’t involve cheating. Be up front and say what you want. Some men are. They say look I have a girl but I still want you, and sometimes they get what they want. You have to be forward about everything. I don’t condone cheating but it happens. If you get cheated on it’s not your fault, no one deserves that heart ache. Great topic.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Great Post!!!! I love the topic *****

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  14. On Point.

    Like

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