Couldn’t come up with a cool catchy title. The word “Depression “ speaks loud enough standing alone. One word that means so fucking much! I thought moving would remove the things that made me sad. But how can you run from your own thoughts?
I’m not the only person that feels depressed at times. Mac Miller’s passing had me thinking a lot. And for me to say that, means a lot because my mind is always fucking racing. We all have a past traumatic story that we could tell. Who hasn’t had a loved one pass away, an accident or just a bad fucking year. I’ve had so many conversations with friends, family and clients that I can write exactly how they feel. I can put my feelings and theirs together. This blog post is one that I’m sure so many people can relate to.
…..And here it is… Motherfucking Depression, which more than often brings her friend, Mr. Anxiety…. The two of them together can fuck your world up. It constantly feels like they come at the wrong time and they bring all the suppressed feelings with them. Now everything is crashing all at once! You’ll over fucking think and it doesn’t stop. You attend therapy which works but you become married to your therapist. And finding a new one in a new state, isn’t easy. I feel like “you don’t know me, only my old therapist understood me”.
Medications don’t work because they all have some fucking side effects. You take Meds for ADHD and now you have anxiety and fucking insomnia. Drugs are just temporary, cause once the high is down the feeling is back. Prayer is just a cover up, it helps you suppress your feelings but they are still there. So what the fuck works? Writing shit down in a book? Drawing because you’re so fucking good at that???
Sometimes we just learn to live with it. Hope for another good day. Hope that this thing called religion will put enough fear in me that I will want to live. Or did I mean Faith? Hope that the people we love and love us, gives us enough energy to want to stay on this place called Earth.
This post is coming from the depressed Paradigm, the amygdala of my fucking brain.
Do you ever feel this way? Just become sad out of nowhere with no control. You wake up and try to convince yourself that everything is going to be fine, today will be a good day. You try so hard to make this day go well. But depression wins again and stares back at you in the rearview mirror and say “Fuck your smile.”
If not,someone does. Maybe not you, but someone you love does. Either way…
You are not alone.
If you feel that you are depressed or thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text line at 741741.