Depression

20180925_0954191420267351032137323.jpgCouldn’t come up with a cool catchy title. The word “Depression “ speaks loud enough standing alone. One word that means so fucking much! I thought moving would remove the things that made me sad. But how can you run from your own thoughts?

I’m not the only person that feels depressed at times. Mac Miller’s passing had me thinking a lot. And for me to say that, means a lot because my mind is always fucking racing. We all have a past traumatic story that we could tell. Who hasn’t had a loved one pass away, an accident or just a bad fucking year. I’ve had so many conversations with friends, family and clients that I can write exactly how they feel. I can put my feelings and theirs together. This blog post is one that I’m sure so many people can relate to.

…..And here it is… Motherfucking Depression, which more than often brings her friend, Mr. Anxiety…. The two of them together can fuck your world up. It constantly feels like they come at the wrong time and they bring all the suppressed feelings with them. Now everything is crashing all at once! You’ll over fucking think and it doesn’t stop. You attend therapy which works but you become married to your therapist. And finding a new one in a new state, isn’t easy. I feel like “you don’t know me, only my old therapist understood me”.

Medications don’t work because they all have some fucking side effects. You take Meds for ADHD and now you have anxiety and fucking insomnia. Drugs are just temporary, cause once the high is down the feeling is back. Prayer is just a cover up, it helps you suppress your feelings but they are still there. So what the fuck works? Writing shit down in a book? Drawing because you’re so fucking good at that???

Sometimes we just learn to live with it. Hope for another good day. Hope that this thing called religion will put enough fear in me that I will want to live. Or did I mean Faith? Hope that the people we love and love us, gives us enough energy to want to stay on this place called Earth.

This post is coming from the depressed Paradigm, the amygdala of my fucking brain.

Do you ever feel this way? Just become sad out of nowhere with no control. You wake up and try to convince yourself that everything is going to be fine, today will be a good day. You try so hard to make this day go well. But depression wins again and stares back at you in the rearview mirror and say “Fuck your smile.”

If not,someone does. Maybe not you, but someone you love does. Either way…

You are not alone.

If you feel that you are depressed or thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text line at 741741.

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9 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Thanks for sharing your story, someone out there needed to hear this. Peace & Blessings on your road to internal happiness and organically living your life 😘.

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  2. I feel this on a level that I thought I couldn’t! What answers do you have, sometimes it take over so much I can’t think clear please help me

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    1. Seek therapy. I really mean that. If not individual try a group. It feel great to have someone that you can openly talk with. Try writing stuff down. Finding what clams you down. For me it running. When Im stressed I go for a run or I dance. Find positive outlets.

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  3. I love this post! Thanks for sharing. I know there is someone out here who needed to hear this!

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  4. Yes when my brother passed it took A toll on me i still can’t believe it. At times it makes me want to cry, scream and just not want to be around people. You never really know how your gonna feel at times, i wish the pain i feel can go away but i know it won’t ever go away. 😞😞

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    1. You should look into grieving counseling or a support group. I haven’t experienced a loss like that but I know I would feel the same way

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  5. Shit is beyond real and I think I have dealt with depression from my 40th birthday. Maybe a few years before that..why? I can’t pinpoint the start of it but I think it was around when Aunt Boobie passed, and that chick in Cali tried to trap me with a baby and my homie got me for rent money all while being 3000 miles away from home. I was alone then came home feeling like a failure..a failure with a baby that is…then I found out it wasn’t mine…anyway, I never actually healed from that time out there and I think the big issue for me and possibly for many men at least is, we supposed to be “tough” not show emotions etc. try to talk to people that know you and are family or whatever but they are dealing with their own shit and usually give some advise that is more like “aww suck it up, ain’ nothing wrong”…I told my ex that I needed therapy and it was like I said nothing…I tried to find therapy and that was a struggle. I don’t have suicidal thoughts but I do have “dark” thoughts at times…I get tired of smiling and laughing. I sometimes don’t wanna do shit at all. I self medicate with weed. I try to stay busy and occupy my time but then I feel like I have too much to do. It’s weird to say the least cuz…I gave up on trying to talk to people about it and kinda just dealing with it cause part of me won’t allow myself to believe I’m depressed…

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    1. Why was it hard to find a threapist? I found one for my son just a week or so ago. And he asked for it. He knew at his age that he had anger that he couldn’t control and didn’t know where it was coming from. If I 12 year old black boy can see that I don’t see how a man over 40 can’t. Seek a therapist, tell them how you feel… Just let it all out. Trust me it feels great to let someone know how you truly feel without judgement or shame. We all have our issues like I said you are not the only one..

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  6. What I used to counteract my depression was working out, staying busy, smoke a little weed and fall back from IG and Facebook. I have been good ever since.

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