I don’t want to come off as only speaking for women or about women but I can only speak from experience. So with that being stated, sorry fellas this is yet another post coming from a woman’s perspective. Unique thing is, most of my readers and comments come from men. So when I say things like single mom it pertains to single parents, I just can’t speak from a man’s point of view. Now, that my disclaimer is out of the way….
Single Mom and Single Woman are two different titles. One speaks to parenting status and other speaks to relationship status. And yes, I feel the need to break this down in its simplest form because people still don’t tend to get it. I have friends who were once together , had a child or two and now they are not together. I know that the father gets his children on the weekends or every other weekend. I know that he helps pays for new clothes, uniforms, class trips and sometimes baby sits ( okay watching his own children but you get my point) when mommy really needs a break. This is no fairytale it actually happens
people. It just never happened for me.
I never planned to be a single parent ( and yes some women go into single parenthood knowingly , that’s a whole nother topic) . My son’s father made a few bad decisions and ended up in prison. Leaving me to be yet another statistic that I did not plan or sign up to be. So not only am I a single mother, I have a baby daddy that’s in prison ( I hate saying baby daddy but I utilized it to prove my point, ugh). So I have no one to help split any bills with my son’s school tuition, uniforms, co-payments and to teach him how to catch a football. Yes, he has male figures in his life but aint shit like having a father. I grew up with my father in my life. I have family support, it takes a village but if your indepent like me you don’t always want handouts. Plus I feel proud that I can assume the huge burden of caring for my child all by myself.You become this independent person and feel that you can do most things on your own.
So with this being said, if you are not in a relationship but the other parent helps you out financially or/and physically with your child(ren) you are not a single mother you are a single women. Trust there’s a huge difference. Not to forget the emotional, mental support and your kids having a father. A single parent has none of that.
At my son’s basketball games I don’t know what the hell is going on , but I have to support my baby, on the bench or not. I have to learn to be both the mother and father. There are moments that I wish I could share with his father but I can’t. And I truly feel for those women whose child(ren) fathers who have died. There’s hope you can always get a step-daddy for your kids but in the meantime, you, oh and I, have to be the most resilient , multitasking,balanced, role model, resourceful,bearing all of the responsibilities of childcare, single mother we can be.
Soon as my son’s father come home, I will be transitioning from single parenting to co-parenting. And Boy, I can’t wait. I’ll finally be a single woman and not a single mother lol!