I have been personally going through something lately, which I don’t mind disclosing/sharing with my readers. It’s MY blog, right! My personal yet public dairy. I may not share everything but at times, I don’t mind it. I want to write for thoses who can understand and feel what I go through. I’m sure that I am not the only person out here who just feels stuck.
And what I mean by stuck, is not being able to mentally and emotionally move on. Getting over a past lover is super duper hard. I’m not going to say Ex because it has a bad taste behind it. Well it does mean
“: one that formerly held a specified position or place; especially : a former spouse or former partner in an intimate relationship”. So fuck it Imma use the word. Glad I did my research lol.
My Ex recently DM me which fucked me up and had me relapse that fast. I was minding my own business and doing so good. Love is like a drug and now I feel like I need him, I miss him,I miss us.
I feel like I was going crazy and that no one would understand what I was going through. Until I Marco Polo (iphone users, it’s like facetime) my home girl and she was like, Girl I know exactly how you feel. I’m thinking if she knows how I feel then others must feel the same way.
I explained to her that after 9 years of being in and out of a relationship with my Ex and not seeing him since we broke up 2 years ago. I still love him the same exact way as I did when I first met him. I felt shameful for saying this because I was always told your not supposed to go back to your ex and you’re supposed to move on. But do we really move on?
No, we never stop loving people if we truly loved them. Yes, we can move on and fall for someone else. But that love you had for that person will always be there. You may not be in love with them anymore but whatever it was that made you love them in the first place, oh it’s still there. It’s deep down inside, maybe it’s suppressed or maybe your lying to yourself.
She called it a “soul tie” which is somewhat biblical but I get it. It’s when souls become knit together , becoming one flesh, ties two souls together.I read about it and man the shit gets deep but it’s so real. What do you do when you think you have found your soulmate, you mesh so well together but yall break up. Like how are you supposed to go from Beyonce Dangerously in love and Ashanti’s Baby to being in ya room crying to Mary Js greatest hits and how can you mend a broken heart by Al green. Yes , I took it way back lol.
Why after 2 years, I just can’t let go? No guy, is HIM. No guy can come from behind me ,hug me and make me feel like I’m safe. No guy can tell me that I’m Beautiful and I can feel the words run through my entire body. Why can’t I just fucking move on. Why do I look at your social media page and pray that I don’t see something that I know will break my heart.
I know you’re reading this judging me, like move on, get over it. But clearly you haven’t thought you met your soulmate. Fuck, Why would he enter my life and make me so happy. Had me quoting Jill Scott. “I thought God had given up on me” and shit, then walk out of my life. I’m like we can work this shit out. And I’m sure many men and females felt this way before. We get the “ Oh, yall back together…Blah Blah…”
It’s like when people get married, separated then get back together. Maybe they needed that time to know that they were meant to be together all along. Maybe relationships can do the same thing. Maybe we need time apart to get our thoughts together or to find ourselves before we can be one. Or maybe we are not meant to be together and my true love is out there, feeling the same way.
This reminds me of my favorite quote on love.
“ Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong.
To therapy I go, cause with this shity dating pool, going back ain’t looking so bad.
I just wish I knew how a stupid “hey! How have you been” can turn me back into that love struck 21 year old girl.
So with that being said, I wrote him a 4 Page Letter sent it to his address enclosed it with “closure”. Or hopefully he ends up at my doorstep…..
“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. – Unknown
If you love someone, you have to give them the freedom to choose for itself.
Can anyone relate? Or am I the only one who feels that the Universe has something waiting for me, and that something is him…
Almost crazy but normal unicorn!