You thought by the golden age of 30 all your shit would magically be put together. Now you're 30 and broke, career hoping, raising a kid or trying to plan for one, single or settled… Grass isn’t always greener and you’re damn sure not wiser with age! Whelp I’m here to tell you just because you’re 30 and bare don’t let the judgment sink in! Revise that vision board and grab the highlighters for your planner the journey has just begun!
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This post is dedicated to my son, who has turned 11 years old today! Please don’t make this about me, No I don’t feel older; I had my son at a reasonable age. So we didn’t grow up together, well kinda. He enjoyed the best parts of my 20s as I did. Just know my son can chug a 24oz Can of Ice tea like no one has ever seen. Okay now back to the reason why this post is titled “Bad Mom”. So, like I stated before I’m a single (sexy ass, hot, etc you get the point) mom.
My son is getting taller and closer to puberty. So to avoid all the awkward ass conversations about why my dick is getting hard, what’s this white stuff and where do I put this… I decided to allow my son to watch “Big Mouth” with me. It’s a fucking hilarious show on Netflix. (We have a smart TV who the fuck needs cable). It’s a show about a brunch of tweenagers (yes, this is a word), who are discovering their sexuality and the “Hormone Monster”. The shit is just inappropriately hilarious. There’s episodes called, “Ejaculation”,“Am I Gay?” and “Requiem for A Wet Dream”. Listen, single moms gotta do what they gotta do.
So as we are watching this show, I’m like, son, I’m open for any questions or concerns regarding anything you see on this show.
I thought this was a crazy idea at first but shit it’s working. It‘s a empathetic approach to the unpleasantness of adolescence, that I certainly don’t know how to explain.
I once asked my son if he knew where babies came from and he told me he knew this since he was 5 years old. Damn you, YouTube. So he continues to explain that the sperm comes from the man’s penis and enters the woman. So, I asked him how and he says through sex mom, duh. First, of all don’t duh me, I’m testing you and secondly what you know about sex? He replies I don’t know much but I know that’s where babies come from. So, I just added well the sperm is stored in the man’s balls, enter the woman and then swim to the egg. And this is why you should cover the penis, so we don’t bring any God damn grand-babies here. I’m too pretty and young to be a fucking grandmother. Plus, I don’t like anyone you date.
Yes, I’m that mom, I hate your girlfriend and I haven’t even met her yet.